As The Negro Turns (Between A Rock and a Hard Place)

I awoke to the sound of my alarm clock repeatedly buzzing in my ear. Like every morning at 8:30am I blindly slapped away at my nightstand looking for the snooze button that could provide me exactly 9 minutes of relief. I eventually gave up looking for the button that eluded me, grabbed the entire alarm clock, and snatched it from the wall. Dropping the alarm clock to the floor, I immediately grabbed my head. The sound of the clock hitting the ground sounded like someone just hit me in the head with a sledge hammer. I tried to sit up in the bed but my body just wouldn't cooperate. The room was still spinning. This hang over was crucial.

"God Please....if you allow me to get past this I will never, ever drink again!"

I think I have made that confession a million times over and still have not lived up to my word to God. I know he is so pissed with me. I so need his help. I have a presentation this morning at 10am and I don't know how I am going to make it.

"Come on Jaden, get it together!" I said aloud while trying to verbally encourage myself to move. Slowly I began to sit up in my bed.

I gathered myself, pulled the covers back, and placed both feet firmly on the floor while sitting on the edge of the bed. I then stood up, took a second to get my equilibrium right, and then walked over to my closet to see what I was going to wear into work. I picked a nice black suit, with an electric blue shirt to go with it. I was wondering if I was going to wear a tie or not, but at this point, I don't even care. I pulled the suit down from the closet and threw it on the bed.

Wait...why is the other side of my bed messed up?

That was my thought as I stood there motionless. If I was trying to fully sober up I definitely has my wits about me now. The hangover didn't even seem to worry me as much at this point. Maybe I rolled over there in my sleep?

Naw...can't be.

I NEVER move in my sleep and I always sleep on the left side of the bed. I instantly started looking around for signs of someone being there. Shoes, clothes, make up, something. Alas, there was one thing, and empty condom wrapper on the ground.

"Where is the condom?" This situation just went from bad to worse. Obviously I had slept with someone and I couldn't tell you who in the world it was. I went into panic mode trying to find the missing condom........that is.......until I heard my shower cut on.

"What in the hell...?"

Somebody obviously was in here but the good Lord knows I have no idea who it is. All I remember was being at our company Christmas party, me having one too many, and catching a cab home. I don't remember anything after getting in the cab. At this point, my hangover seems to be the least of my worries.

I slowly began creeping around the corner into my master bathroom. I could hear singing coming from inside.As I made my way closer to the shower curtain I just stood there for a minute pondering what in the world I was going to say to the woman on the other side. Obviously at the bare minimum we had slept together, so I am trying to muster some sense of 'cool' before opening the curtain.

At the point where I thought I was calm, cool, and collected, I gently eased the curtain back.

"Hey cutie" she said to me smiling while continuing to wash up.

"Sheila???" I screamed.I backed up so fast that I hit my back on the towel bar against the wall.

"No No No No No....this can NOT be. Please, oh PLEASE tell me that we did not do anything last night!" Cutting the water off she slowly stepped out of the shower with water dripping off every curve of her 5'11, 170 pound frame and just stood in front of me.

"Are you just going to stare, or are you going to hand me a towel?"

Handing her at towel I screamed out "Answer me Sheila! Tell me that we didn't do anything!"Wrapping the towel around her she leaned in to whisper in my ear and I immediately jumped.

"We certainly did and it was ever so good. Who says you are the 'little' brother?" she said as she walked away laughing.

Still in complete awe, I sat down on the edge of the tub and put my head in my hands.

"Dag, what have I done?"All I could think of was my brother, my family, and what they would say if they found out.

As I raised my head I glanced at the clock. Dag...it's almost 9. I have my presentation. I can't even begin to deal with this now.Right then I could hear my phone ringing and Sheila, who was now fully dressed, brought me my cordless.

"It's your brother" she said with a smirk as she walked out of the bathroom.

"Aww hell...." I thought as I just looked at the phone.